So Its Time

To say goodbye from the blog. 

I have decided to end it here. Yup another project started but never finished.

I thank you all for reading, following on bloglovin, but it's just got to be done.

The last couple of weeks, I've been making decisions, about life, my family etc and to be honest since I've had this fresh mindset I've been looking at things/people a whole lot different. I've noticed a fair amount of bloggers, whom not only try their best to make you feel like shit about yourself but your writing too. They all stick to their clicks. These click are formed based on things like follower counts, post counts, blog views etc etc. I'm not saying all bloggers but a few which makes me want to leave the playground and step away from the Mean Girls. You tweet/follow them, they don't tweet or follow back, what's the point? Surely you rely on followers to pitch your blog, to get you more readers, yet you never say thank you, or even recognize you have done them a favour.

Blog subjects......now my blog wasn't of a specific genre, it was all the random cramp that I had going on in my life. Rant posts and lots of photos (especially when I didn't have time) this wasn't acceptable from what I could tell. I simply made my blog to ease congestion in my brain, releasing any self doubt, moans and other bits and pieces that if I had kept locked in would have driven me to not have enough room for the good times and memory's. 

I'm not into fashion, I simply wear what is comfy and is easy. So technically, a what I wore Wednesday post because I don't think tracky bottoms and a hoody would be 'what people would want to see'. 

I don't do make up because I have super sensitive skin, I use all cosmetics and lotions that are PH neutral and are classed as boring....... The same products I've used for the last 18 years or so....... Who wants to see that?

I'm too unhealthy to preach about weight loss/gain, exercise and good food. To be honest my car has gained most of its milage from driving to and from the local McDonalds drive thru :) I'll have a Chicken Sandwich Meal large, no salad extra mayo and a slice of cheese....... Oh and a diet coke please. And then a sneaky trip into the shop to get me a couple of Redbulls for the afternoon.

Technical guru...... Does getting my 12 year old to turn the laptop on count?

Mummy blog....... 2 children, one almost a teenager, with an attitude that is out of this world...... Using words that I just simply don't understand...... Also a 4 month old, who eats, sleeps, shits repeats.... Oh she is being weaned now..... Yup again boring right. Plus a lot of people have been moaning recently that new parents post too many photos and stuff about their kids online, I mean I agree and I'm a snap happy new parent, however 50 pictures of you breast feeding your child is in my opinion too much.

Cookery - did you bypass the McDonalds quote above...... No I didn't think so.

So anyways I'm officially declaring my blog, finished.... Ended whatever you want to call it. 

No I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not looking for oh no we will miss you's or anything along those lines. I'm simply telling it how it is. 

So from my blog it is goodbye. I hope you have enjoyed reading :)

byeeeee

This Is Real.....

This is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. 

A bit of a random post today really, as right now I'm trying to decide my future, trying to decide what's best for everyone and mainly trying to steer myself in the correct direction that I want my life to go in.

Many of you will know I'm currently on maternity leave from work, which was followed on from a spat of sickness from work due to many issues that could have effected my pregnancy, so for the health of myself and my unborn child I decided to take myself out of the situation. Now the time has come for my wages to drop to just SMP and it's a choice do I return or look elsewhere, for employment, like a fresh start...... I'm not sure the grass is always greener, so this dilemma is set and I need to decide what to do. I could carry on with SMP pay, but I know there are bills to pay, mouths to feed, so technically that's not an option! I emailed my current work to ask for a possible return (keeping my options open) I requested a working from home day, I asked about my notice period and if I would have to pay back my maternity pay if I left during my maternity leave, I also asked would I be returning to my previous job. The response I got was a little off putting to say the least.

The response was:

They will cut my notice period from 3 months to 4 weeks.

I can hand in my notice so as I don't have to return at all and I wouldn't need to pay back my maternity pay.

Reading this I believe they are trying to make it easy for me to quit. Like they are giving me the opportunity to leave rather than have to deal with me? I'm currently job seeking elsewhere because ideally I would like to leave, however maybe I should return just to annoy them. Maybe I should return, work my magic and get the department sorted and working fabulously (like it was before I left) but then I think why should I? I could return take the easy ride and do what my colleagues do......? 

See my dilemma? It's a choice that only I can make! It's toughie.

We are planning on moving next year, can I return to work until then and leave then? Or shall I go elsewhere? Gahhhhh

Sometimes I kinda wish I wasn't an adult making big choices! 

My situation all boils down to lack of confidence. Mine has been totally shattered then I lost pieces of shattered confidence over the years! I am proud that I've got 2 amazing children and a wonderful partner who treats me like a princess, but I still have no faith in myself.  I can be withdrawn, meaning I sometimes have trouble sticking up for myself. I get upset very easily also making getting a point across difficult and normally ends up with my apologising for showing emotion rather than being adult about a situation!

It's the same with the situation at work which is making it incredibly hard for me to decide to return! I wish I didn't want to run away and leave the situation as it was before. By the time I return I will have been off work for a year. Yes a whole year! A lot can change in a year, but I fear nothing will have changed and it will go back to me being in tears everyday, being treated differently to everyone else etc!

There has been a meeting called at work for Thursday (2 days time) I'm really nervous, I'm getting more and more nervous as the days go by! It's just a meeting to discuss my flexible working and to set a date to return!! 

Eeeeek! 

I guess what will be will be. I shall attend the meeting on Thursday with my boss (who hates me) I can normally read a situation well and will make my decision based on that meeting. 

Life is just too complicated sometimes :(

Any advice would be great x