A bit of a random post today really, as right now I'm trying to decide my future, trying to decide what's best for everyone and mainly trying to steer myself in the correct direction that I want my life to go in.
Many of you will know I'm currently on maternity leave from work, which was followed on from a spat of sickness from work due to many issues that could have effected my pregnancy, so for the health of myself and my unborn child I decided to take myself out of the situation. Now the time has come for my wages to drop to just SMP and it's a choice do I return or look elsewhere, for employment, like a fresh start...... I'm not sure the grass is always greener, so this dilemma is set and I need to decide what to do. I could carry on with SMP pay, but I know there are bills to pay, mouths to feed, so technically that's not an option! I emailed my current work to ask for a possible return (keeping my options open) I requested a working from home day, I asked about my notice period and if I would have to pay back my maternity pay if I left during my maternity leave, I also asked would I be returning to my previous job. The response I got was a little off putting to say the least.
The response was:
They will cut my notice period from 3 months to 4 weeks.
I can hand in my notice so as I don't have to return at all and I wouldn't need to pay back my maternity pay.
Reading this I believe they are trying to make it easy for me to quit. Like they are giving me the opportunity to leave rather than have to deal with me? I'm currently job seeking elsewhere because ideally I would like to leave, however maybe I should return just to annoy them. Maybe I should return, work my magic and get the department sorted and working fabulously (like it was before I left) but then I think why should I? I could return take the easy ride and do what my colleagues do......?
See my dilemma? It's a choice that only I can make! It's toughie.
We are planning on moving next year, can I return to work until then and leave then? Or shall I go elsewhere? Gahhhhh
Sometimes I kinda wish I wasn't an adult making big choices!
My situation all boils down to lack of confidence. Mine has been totally shattered then I lost pieces of shattered confidence over the years! I am proud that I've got 2 amazing children and a wonderful partner who treats me like a princess, but I still have no faith in myself. I can be withdrawn, meaning I sometimes have trouble sticking up for myself. I get upset very easily also making getting a point across difficult and normally ends up with my apologising for showing emotion rather than being adult about a situation!
It's the same with the situation at work which is making it incredibly hard for me to decide to return! I wish I didn't want to run away and leave the situation as it was before. By the time I return I will have been off work for a year. Yes a whole year! A lot can change in a year, but I fear nothing will have changed and it will go back to me being in tears everyday, being treated differently to everyone else etc!
There has been a meeting called at work for Thursday (2 days time) I'm really nervous, I'm getting more and more nervous as the days go by! It's just a meeting to discuss my flexible working and to set a date to return!!
Eeeeek!
I guess what will be will be. I shall attend the meeting on Thursday with my boss (who hates me) I can normally read a situation well and will make my decision based on that meeting.
Life is just too complicated sometimes :(
Any advice would be great x
No comments:
Post a Comment